My nipple is on Facebook.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
