There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
