My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
