I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I did not marry a roomba.
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