My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
