im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
