I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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