I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
