we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
