I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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