oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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