conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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