i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
