all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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