I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
