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i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
