Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
