Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
