Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
