Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize