Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
