I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
