new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
