There is no way he is gay with that hair.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
