i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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