I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
