11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
