I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
