I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
