We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
