I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
