I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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