I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Your penis caused this!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
