My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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