I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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