I accidentally had phone sex last night
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
