um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
