It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
