I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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