i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Come on in and take your pants off
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