I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
