Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
