So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
