I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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