Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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