Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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