Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
whose ass print is on the piano?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
