Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
