This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
