She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
