The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
