wakey wakey hands off snakey
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
