I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
