It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
