Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
