We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
