So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
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Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
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So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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