small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
