my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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