Will you blow on my dice?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
