i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
