i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
