Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
