Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
