and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
