Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
