I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He shit in the fireplace
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
