I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
