I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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